Tiger Mom - Book Club

Being a mother is a very special thing. For our RS Book Club this month, we read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chua. I originally thought that I would absolutely hate the way she parents but there were quite a few things I learned from her. It was such a great discussion and we all gleaned ideas from Sister Beck. It is a must listen to talk.

http://feeds.lds.org/LDSConversations Episode 15 with Sister Beck and her two daughters.

Some quotes I thought were particularly thought provoking:

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up."

Amy is over the top in pushing her kids but I think she is right that work and practicing are not fun but it is rewarding once you've actually achieved it.

"I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.

Things I disagreed with:

I don't believe in empty threats she used such as telling your child you will burn all their stuffed animals or not let them have Christmas for four years unless you are clearly prepared to follow through. This only confuses kids. Also, the threats were unreasonable.

Also, Social things are essential and extremely important, as well as finding a balance in life. If my child didn't have friends to play with at recess, I would actively help them learn the skills to make friends.

Things I think she overlooked as a mother:
Service - There is such joy in service. I want my kids to do well in school and work hard, but I also want them to work well with others. I want them to bring out the best in others. These skills might not be tested, but that is okay by me. Self esteem should not always come from achieving things but in finding joy in doing what the Lord wants you to do.

Things I'm going to change:

My favorite part of the night was when each mom shared things have or are planning on changing since reading the book. We all want to be more involved, set higher expectations and vocalize them, set goals with out kids so they take ownership, and be consistent.

Parenting Things I'm still working on:
What things to do to keep the communication positive between parent and teenager and Pride in Mothering.

There are so many things I learned from the Becks but the one take home message is "With the Spirit, you can do hard things."

I went to an AIM parenting meeting the night before. I learned so many great things. One of the questions was asked was, "Why do the Asian's have kids who perform so well in school?" The instructor mentioned how hard it is to grow rice. It is an inborn thing that they teach their kids that you will work hard and put forth a lot of effort. So again, our new family motto, "With the Spirit, you can do hard things."